Show Us Where The Angel Touched You, Jimmy
More children die every year drowning in swimming pools than in firearms accidents. Yet parents seem to get their panties in a wad when they find that the neighbors have a gun in the house, yet seem less concerned about "swimming pool control."
The point being that we've all gone way too far with the protecting children thing. Do you know what the odds are of your child being molested by an adult? They're infintesmal! But we're becoming ridiculous paranoids. As evidenced by this list of "traits" exhibited by child molesters. Hat Tip Dr. Helen
Hell, Kid Various embodies a number of these traits, and not only does he not want to shtup your kid - he doesn't want your kid to be anywhere around him! (Especially on an airplane)
So parental units - BEWARE....
Adults who seem preoccupied with children
Kid Various is preoccupied with children. Specifically, why are they always around him?
Single adults who work or volunteer with children's clubs/activities and frequently spend their free time doing "special" things with kidsAdults who spend time volunteering with youth groups who do not have children in those groups.
Kid Various isn't spending any of his spare time do-gooding for any little snot factories. However, God forbid we encourage anyone joining the Big Brothers program or something.
Adults who seem to engage in frequent contact with children, i.e., casual touching, caressing, wrestling, tickling, combing hair or having children sit on their lap
There's that fat, bearded guy with the red suit at the mall. He's got, like, 100 kids sitting in his lap. SEIZE HIM!!!
Adults who act like children when with children or who allow children to do questionable or inappropriate things
Kid Various acts like a child when children are around. Kid Various acts like a child when children are not around (to which his litany of girlfriends will attest.) And as far as inappropriate things go, if your children asked him "Could we have some chocolate cake for breakfast?" The Kid would probably respond, "Whatever does it for ya kid..."
Adults who want to take your children on special outings too frequently or plan activities that would include being alone with your child
Yes! Make sure your child is never out of your sight!
Adults who do not have children and seem to know too much about the current fads or music popular with children
Oh, is it too much to ask that anyone over 30 could possibly be hip? Kid Various is wearing his giant fucking pants around his ass right now!
Adults that your children seem to like for reasons you don't understand
Maybe because they're not total paranoid bitches and/or dickwads.
Adults who seem able to infiltrate family and social functions or are "always available" to watch your kids
YOU: Grandma? What are you doing here???
GRANDMA: Well, it's Thanksgiving and you invited me over...
YOU: SEIZE HER!!!
UPDATE: Welcome Instapundit readers! It really does pump up the site meter doesn't it?
Of course, due to being preoccupied with other current events, Kid Various didn't even notice for a day that we had been linked, and Mr. Surly and Mr. Scriblerus failed to "leverage" our new exposure. For anyone who still might be appearing here - we specialize in two different types of posts.
#1 - Thoughtful pieces about The War.
#2 - Humourous pieces on animal sex.
Please look around.