Give The Gift of a Star

Some of you may be familiar with those commercials for the International Star Registry. Basically, if you want to shell out 54 bucks, you can rename spectral phenomenon K-0995628 to anything you want.

Personally, I’ll be buying up the hot properties (stars with possible M class planets) and naming them “Coke” and “McDonalds” because I missed out on all the phat money opportunities buying up domain names on the Internet.

But what’s really fascinating are the numerous phony names that any number of idiots will inevitably get through and onto the registry.

Imagine in the year 3105, when an astronaut from the United States of Earth lands on some forlorn planet in a star system far, far away:

[ASTRONAUT] Greetings future alien citizens!

[ALIEN] Greetings Vender’kep!

[ASTRONAUT] Vender’kep?

[ALIEN] Yes, it means, Voyager from Vender. Vender is the light in our sky from which all life springs…

[ASTRONAUT] Vender? Oh you mean Dick Hare!

[ALIEN] Dick…Hare?

[ASTRONAUT] Yes, that’s what it says on the start chart right here…

[ALIEN] Are you sure? We’ve been calling it Vender for eons.

[ASTRONAUT] Who’s the one with the star chart here, dude?

[ALIEN] I think Vender sounds better.

[ASTRONAUT] You better get with the program friend or we’re gonna liberate your ass!