NEVER AGAIN! (Until the Next Time)

Displaying stunning alacrity, 62 years after the German genocide, 30 years after the Cambodian genocide and a mere 13 years after the Rwandan genocide – the United Nations is hiring a full time Advisor for the Prevention of Genocide!

Thirteen years after some 800,000 Rwandans were murdered by their compatriots in an orchestrated criminal campaign, Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon called today for “a global partnership against genocide” and pledged to strengthen United Nations mechanisms to ensure that such an event never happens again.

The post of UN Special Adviser for the Prevention of Genocide – currently held by Juan E. Méndez of Argentina – will be upgraded to a full-time position, Mr. Ban said in a message marking the anniversary of the start of the genocide.

Mr. Mendez related in an official statement that he was pleased to hear of his upgraded status from part-time to full-time as it now meant he could get health benefits.

“Also, I can quit my night job at the 7-11,” added Mendez.

Mr. Mendez also said he looked forward to implementing his ideas for a "Genocide isn't cool!" campaign, just as soon as he got through all the paperwork in HR.

Hiring an employee full time to handle the genocide file had been proposed shortly after the Rwandan "matter", but Accounting took 12 years to find sufficient funds for the position without having to trim from the 240-strong staff for the UN Special Commission to Fete Tyrants.

"You will never find a more wretched hive
of scum and villiany..."