It Will Put The Lotion On Its Body, Or It Will GET THE HOSE AGAIN!!!

In a stunning ending to one of Austria's most celebrated missing person cases...

VIENNA, Austria - An Austrian teenager who spent eight years in a dingy underground cell until her dramatic escape last week on Monday defended her captor as "part of my life" and insisted she didn't miss anything during her long ordeal.

Didn't miss anything? Dude! She is TOTALLY going to have to catch up on Lost...

Kid Various always allows all the women chained up in his basement to watch Must See TV.