ARRRRR!

Apparently unaware that it is the 21st century, Somali warlords have recently begun to forget all that Black Hawk Down business and hoist the Jolly Roger

A dozen heavily armed pirates have hijacked a UAE-registered oil tanker along with 19 Filipino crew members off the coast of Somalia, an international piracy watchdog said.

"Twelve pirates armed with machine guns, AK47 rifles and sidearms

And hook hands, don't forget the hook hands...

boarded the tanker

swung aboard on rope lines...

off Mogadishu during daylight," Noel Choong, head of the Piracy Reporting Centre of the London-based International Maritime Bureau, told AFP.

Choong said the United Arab Emirates oil tanker had earlier discharged its cargo at Mogadishu port and was hit on March 29 after leaving port.

Oh man, are they going to be pissed when they find out there's no "booty." Someone is going to walk the plank for this!

Choong urged ship captains to keep their vessels at least 200 kilometres (125 miles) away from Somalia's coast to avoid pirate attacks.

"The pirates are armed and they will not hesitate to fire to stop ships," he warned.

Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Strike your colors and heave-to or another broadside to send you to Davy Jones' locker!

Man, you don't look like Erol Flynn at all!

Amusingly, after the fall of the Soviet Union, Kid Various considered becoming a pirate. He figured that an old Soviet attack sub couldn't be running you much. Just buy one of those and prowl the waters of the Far East. It's the romantic in him. How cool would that be?

You surface 100 yards off the port bow of a cargo hauler, point the foward gun at her bridge and hoist the Jolly Roger!

Then you're set to appropriate a cargo of hot DVD players and auto parts!

OK, maybe it's not the most lucrative field, but The Kid's not in it for the money. Mostly it's to be in a profession where you can wear an eye-patch. And of course, it's great for your high school reunion.

"So what do YOU do..."

"ARRRRRR!"