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Wednesday, May 04, 2005

With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced today the implementation of a new program to bring victory in the War of TerrorTM. Beginning June 15th all active-duty United States military personnel will receive, along with their inoculations against anthrax and small-pox, an unspecified dose of super soldier serum.

After receiving the serum treatment, military personnel can expect rapid changes in their physiology bringing them to the frontier of human physical limitations. Soldiers will gain enough muscle mass and bone density so that the average recruit will be able to lift a Volkswagen. Most, soldiers can also expect to gain reflexes quick enough to dodge a bullet and natural 20/40 night vision.

The Pentagon will also be phasing out its drab, sand colored BDU’s in favor of new skintight blue uniforms. The standard M-16A will also be replaced by a newer, high technology vibranium shield.

The press conference became somewhat heated when the Secretary of Defense was pressed on the issue of troop levels in Iraq by Washington Post reporter Baron Zemo.

In response to the reporter’s questions, Secretary Rumsfeld leapt from the podium, ripped off Mr. Zemo’s arm and beat him into submission with it.

At the conclusion of the of the press conference, Secretary Rumsfeld denied that he had any plans to retire from his cabinet position and join The New Avengers.


Peter Parker, Donald Rumsfeld and Steve Rogers celebrate victory over Washington Post reporter Baron Zemo in a press conference today at the Pentagon

3 Comments:

At Wednesday, May 4, 2005 at 9:04:00 PM EDT, Anonymous DMerriman said...

If the Super Soldier Serum turns the GIs green, we'll have an army of Incredible Hulks! Cool!

 
At Thursday, May 5, 2005 at 8:08:00 AM EDT, Blogger Kid Various said...

Dude, don't you know ANYTHING?

We could only get a green army of Hulks if we exposed them to gamma radiation!

Dr. Bruce Banner
Pelted by gamma rays.
Turns in to the Hulk
Ain't he unglamour-aze?

Wreckin' the town
With the power of a bull.
Ain't no monster
Cause who's that lovable?

The ever lovin' Hulk!

HULK!

HULK!



And me, I thought exposing you to high levels of gamma radiation would merely kill you.

Shows what I know...

 
At Friday, May 13, 2005 at 2:43:00 PM EDT, Anonymous Bozark said...

Dude, I'm thinkin' that "Don't ask, don't tell" policy may backfire with this new serum. If anything, shower time may become a little more interesting.

 

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