The Idiom

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Monday, February 28, 2005

Riffing. How We Make Posts At The Idiom

[19:45] Kid Various: Pope makes surprise appearance at window!

[19:45] Kid Various: is this what we're reduced to?

[19:45] Kid Various: How about "Pope makes surprise appearance at the bathroom!"

[19:46] Kid Various: Now what would be news is "Pope makes surprise appearance at Scores"

[19:46] Mr. Scriblerus: i wonder how many cardinals are lobbying for his job right now?

[19:47] Kid Various: How do you do that?

[19:47] Kid Various: Can you drop mail?

[19:47] Mr. Scriblerus: it's more like becoming majority leader or speaker

[19:48] Mr. Scriblerus: you need the support of your caucus, the college of cardinals

[19:48] Kid Various: Dear College Member:

[19:49] Kid Various: In today's topsy-turvy world of moral lassitude and self-centered greed, the Catholic Church needs a strong leader with a proven record on the issues

[19:49] Mr. Scriblerus: as pope i promise to have more confessions, better hats, etc

[19:50] Kid Various: I sense a post in this

[19:51] Kid Various: Can XXX Associates do Cardinal Vasquez's mail?

[19:52] Mr. Scriblerus: they wish, that's the whole vatican treasury to loot and pillage

[19:54] Kid Various: Cardinal Vasquez's Bishopric ranks #1 in the amount of abortions prevented for calendar years 2002, 2003 and 2004! - Vatican Quarterly Jan. 2005

[19:55] Mr. Scriblerus: Cardinal Vasquez failed to attend mass 36 times in 1983, Cardinal Rossi never missed a mass in 64 years!

[19:55] Kid Various: It's sad that we have been reduced to the politics of personal destruction. Cardinal Rossi knows full well that those were only procedural masses

[19:57] Mr. Scriblerus: Heres' Cardinal Vasquez's hotel receipts when he went on a mission with Sr. Mary Agnes, only one room? Coincidence?

[19:58] Kid Various: There was no room at the inn!!!

[19:58] Kid Various: Cardinal Vasquez slept in the manger...LIKE OUR LORD!!!

[19:58] Kid Various: maybe we should have a papal heart rate meter

[19:58] Mr. Scriblerus: no!

[19:58] Mr. Scriblerus: let's not get too blasphemous

[19:58] Mr. Scriblerus: it's like when you feel that cringe when the south park guys go too far

[19:58] Mr. Scriblerus: a papal heartmeter would be too far

[19:59] Kid Various: well, whatever you say dude ;)

[19:59] Mr. Scriblerus: a mock campaign for pope would be funnier i think, a poke at catholic church politics

[19:59] Mr. Scriblerus: + american-style negative campaing

[19:59] Mr. Scriblerus: the final candidate for pope gets vetted by the devil's advocate you know

[20:00] Kid Various: I thought they abolished the Devil's Advocate

[20:00] Mr. Scriblerus: man i hope not

[20:00] Mr. Scriblerus: that's so cool

[20:01] Kid Various: In the old process of canonization by the Roman Catholic Church, the Promoter of the Faith (Latin Promotor Fidei), or Devil's Advocate (Latin advocatus diaboli), was a canon lawyer appointed by the Church to argue against the canonization of the proposed candidate. The office was established in 1587 and abolished by Pope John Paul II in 1983. This streamlining process has allowed him to canonize nearly 500 individuals and beatify over 1,300, as opposed to 98 canonizations by his 20th-century predecessors.

[20:02] Kid Various: yeah, there has definitely been saint inflation.

[20:03] Kid Various: They have to get that under control, probably by radically raising saint interest rates

[20:03] Mr. Scriblerus: alright, gotta run,

[20:03] Kid Various: later

[20:03] Mr. Scriblerus: seeya

1 Comments:

At Monday, February 28, 2005 at 12:54:00 PM EST, Anonymous LeeAnn said...

How about a line graph, showing the ups and downs of the Pope's health, with that pointy posthole-digger hat as the marker? Maybe the counting measure could be "balls of holy phlegm hocked up by the Pope today."
Two balls... Pope is feelin' fine!
Four balls... Pope needs some rest.
Ten balls... Get the Sacred Tracheotomy Kit.
Twenty four balls.... see the little Cardinals all in a row.

 

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