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Sunday, January 09, 2005

Perkins Physics

After a few hours at the gym where I once again devastated Mr. Surly at racquetball (and I got the bloody wounds to prove it) we retired to brunch at the local Perkins.

Like most of us, choices paralyze me. That's the price of living in a free society. We have lots of choices, but we have to make them and live with the consequences. Sometimes I think communism would have been easier.

But at Perkins, you can't go wrong with the "Tremendous Twelve" breakfast option, because basically you are saying "I can't decide - just bring me everything." And for $6.89, it's hard to top. Included are:

4 pancakes
4 strips of bacon or sausage links
3 eggs (any style)
1 order of hash browns


If my math is right.

Which brings up the existential question, is 1 order of hash browns equal to one egg? I tend to think not, which make me wonder if I'm getting a tremendous 9.75.

But even now we are not absolved from moral choice regarding a Perkins breakfast. Because we must choose which to get, 4 bacon strips or 4 sausage links. And when given a choice between two such scrumptious treats, how are we to make a decision?

But Mr. Surly advanced a way out of this paradox. He asked the radical question, can we go two and two? I thought this was madness, but suprisingly, the math works out. You can indeed get 2 bacon strips and 2 sausage links with no problem. Apparently, in the physical world of Perkins, not only is one bacon strip equal to one sausage link, but they are freely transferrable.

Just like matter and energy.

This would seem to infer the possibility of the existence of an "anti-bacon" strip which, if brought into contact with a normal bacon strip would effect an annihliation reaction, instantly consuming both strips, and releasing two links of sausage.


At Sunday, January 9, 2005 at 10:45:00 PM EST, Blogger Mr. Scriblerus said...

What's the point of even going to the gym if you eat at Perkins after? Shouldn't you just have a salad? And not a 8000 calorie taco salad either.

At Monday, January 10, 2005 at 10:54:00 AM EST, Blogger Kid Various said...

It doesn't matter what you eat as long as you're willing to go the extra mile working it off.

That's my philosophy, which HAS worked in the past.

At Monday, January 10, 2005 at 6:53:00 PM EST, Blogger MrSurly said...

Well, I did leave one pancake on the plate...

At Tuesday, January 11, 2005 at 8:13:00 AM EST, Blogger Kid Various said...

I would have eaten it, except it was doused in syrup.



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